Rise Above This

Well, basically...life can be so messed up sometimes.
I make bad decisions that wind up getting me involved
with people who really want to help me, but just can't.
I wish that I had never started doing any of this in the
first place.
I would never have picked it up and pressed down.
I never would have stopped doing something so essential
for life.
Some days, I am so ashamed of who I have turned into
again.
I thought I was free...but apparently not.
Now it leaves me with this meeting on Monday that I
am so scared of.
I am comfortable where I am right now.
I shouldn't be, but I am.
I surrender it all to God, but then I take it back.
I can't control it.
I am out of control.
I need help.
That is what they are going to do.
Help me.

Why am I so scared of getting better once and for all?

What must we do to restore our innocence?

Hey Y'all!
It's been a while since I posted a new blog.

Have you ever had something that you know you need to give up, but are to stubborn to do anything about it? Something that could essentially take over your life and consume you and leave you defeated?
Well, thats basically where I am at right now. There is something that I have been struggling with for...I guess its 6 years now. I thought I was free from it, but I allowed the enemy to get a stronghold in my life again in that area.
I am trying not to get discouraged, but right now, I can't help but wonder if I will ever be truly free. Were all my efforts in vain?
I know what I need to do in order to be free, and I have taken those steps in the past, but it always seems to keep coming back. I feel like a failure.
If anyone in real life finds out, I could get into some major trouble. I don't think that my parent's marriage can survive something like this again. I don't want them to have another thing to blame on me. They already blame me for getting married in the first place. I don't know them to blame me for the demise of their marriage as well.
I just want them to stop looking for a scapegoat and take the responsibility upon themselves. Its NOT my fault. It's really not. I need to stop living like it is. I need to take a stand.


Kayleigh baby, I miss you so much. I am sorry.

Kayleigh means Who is like God? and Renee means Reborn. That is the name I chose for you precious little girl. I love you.